Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.