What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.