Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.