I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.