A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.