What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.