What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.