What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.