What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!