Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.