Ah! The element of surprise.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.