What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.