What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.