I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.