Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
We're donion rings.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
You look like my future ex wife.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
"My cat doesn't like you."
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
"It's not me, it's you!"
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.