Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
You are so right. And I am so left.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
We're donion rings.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
We should make like your parents and split.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.