It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
You looked better when I was drunk.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
You look like my future ex wife.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
I really like you. So does my wife.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
We're donion rings.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
"You deserve better and so do I."
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
I think we need to become better strangers.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.