Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.