Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.