What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
Fall arrives, and all hell bakes loose.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
Why did the potato run across the road?
So it wouldn’t get mashed.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Keith!
Keith who?
Keith me, my thweet preenth!
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Are you the Godiva store? Because you seem sweet and way too fancy for me.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
I don’t need to be a doctor to diagnose you with acute smile.
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
I couldn’t help but approach, you’ve been on my mind Twenty four Evan
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.