How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.