“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark