“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington