Jokes > Tags > Guilty Jokes

Guilty Jokes

Peach Puns
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Cowboy Jokes
Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first cowboy bangs his head on the doorframe." Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film last week, it made me feel bad taking your money."

Man 2 says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd be daft enough to do it again."
Mexican Pick Up Lines
Are you a Bud Light Lime? Cause you look like a guilty pleasure.
Snail Puns
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Ear Puns
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Prison Puns
Why did the credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
Beaver Puns
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
Worm Puns
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Funny Animal Quotes
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
The Prejudiced Juror
A man wanted to be dismissed from jury duty, but none of his excuses worked. So on the day of the trial, he asked to approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant." "Oh?" the judge asked. "Yes!" the man replied. "I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face, and I thought, 'He's a crook! He's 100% guilty.' So, your Honor, I couldn't possibly be on this jury!" The judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are seeking--a good judge of character." The man protested, "How can you say that?" "Because," the judge said, "that man is the defendant's lawyer."
Sloth Puns
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."