Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
I've finally started to believe that Pluto is not really a planet...
Especially when I saw him in a cartoon.
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
Why don't pets make good astronauts?
They're afraid of the spay station
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
How did the astronaut die?
exposure to Mercury.
Where do astronauts go for lunch?
Apollo Loco.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.