Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
Why don't pets make good astronauts?
They're afraid of the spay station
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
How did the astronaut die?
exposure to Mercury.
Where do astronauts go for lunch?
Apollo Loco.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?
Because they've got the Write Stuff.
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
Mooning is very ASStrological
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?
Neil Farmstrong.
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut