Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.