What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
All stereos are so typical.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.