When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.