How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.