What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.