I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
“There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.'”
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?
"Why are you so abscess-ed with him?"
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy