Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Nothing really mattress.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.