My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I couldn't chair less!
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.