Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Nothing really mattress.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.