We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
I am a mean green machine.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I wanna bob for your apples.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.