Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice