What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Car puns are really tiring
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.