A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."

What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."

Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.

Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.

What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"

Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.

A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.

Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.

A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.

Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!

Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.

Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”

Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.

How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"

How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.

A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!

Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.

Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.

Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!