Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"