What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.

Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)

A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."

Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.

A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"

Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!

Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!

How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back

A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."

Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.

Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”

How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.

Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."

Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!

Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"

What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.

Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."

Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!

A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"

A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."

Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!