Stool Jokes

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke." So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"

A short guy was walking in a hookers street. Everybody could see he was very shy. He saw a nice-looking hooker sitting on a stool, so he stopped and looked at her with interest. She noticed his lack of confidence, obviously because he was too short, so she told him, "Don't worry, mine fits all sizes." So the guy smiled and asked her, "How much?" She replied, "For you it'll be $90." So he gave her the money, took the stool, and left.