A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.
She's waiting.
She's waiting...
The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"
The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?
He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.
It was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
How do you get dragon milk?
Find a cow with no back legs
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?
How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?