Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!