Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.