Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!