How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.