Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.