Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.

My bunny is fat
He loves to eat cabbage
No wonder he’s fat.

The ocean is big,
And also it is pretty,
Pretty freakin' wet.

I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.

I see you driving
Round town with the girl I love
and I’m like Haiku.

Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night

From hells realm
Making me take flight

I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer

And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser

Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits

They were no defence
Against evil spirits

- Paul Curtis

I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?

When the harvest moon is full and bright,
And the wolf bane blooms on an autumn night,
If the guy whose kiss used to make you swoon
Starts to lick his lips and howl at the moon,
You'd best decline if he asks you out for a bite.

- Jim Slaughter

My breakfast today,
bacon, eggs, and ice water.
I feel so healthy.

This is the story of Casper Levenes,
A boy quite addicted to Heinz Spicy Beanz,
They boiled in his gut, fermented in his tum,
Then as a foul vapour they exited his bum.

His brothers said, Casper, that stench is quite vile,
Then they clubbed him with chair legs and said with great bile,
You're the smelliest human who's walked on this earth,
And really you should have been put down at birth.

As he fell to the ground he let out his last fart,
I'll never forget, in my death, your great part,
And when the church clock strikes midnight each night,
The brothers do quiver and shiver with fright.

For a stench that's quite eerie and reeks of the pit,
Pervades all their bedrooms and lounges and shit,
And they say to each other, that stink is the most,
It's our dead brother Casper, the flatulent ghost.

- Max Scratchman

Expand your mind. Get
To work. Better yet, put your
Feet up. Watch TV.

Only so many
And so much to get done.
I’d rather take nap.

Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.

I knew this gambler.
He bet it all on a bluff.
He is now homeless.

My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.

But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.

Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.

- by Samiya Vallee

We went to a fancy dress party
With a Haloween theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene

However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn't
Tell which witch was which

Help, me I am trapped
In a haiku factory
save me, before they

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

I met a man, Stan.
His nature is Afghani.
Yes! Afghanistan.

Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.

Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.

Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.

Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.

My cow gives less milk,
now that it has been eaten,
by a fierce dragon.

You think you're big.
With your fancy little words.
This is not so hard.

How many light bulbs
Does it take to screw a shrink?
Oh, got it backwards.

I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.