I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.